FUTURISTIC HEADLINES
Mar. 24th, 2003 10:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lesliepearFUTURISTIC HEADLINES
Date: Mon, 3 Mar 3003 10:23:45 and beyond
* Firestorms and lightning created by electric cars now killing
millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.
* White minorities are still trying to have English recognized as
California's third language.
* Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern US crops and livestock.
* Baby conceived naturally....scientists stumped.
* Authentic year 3000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.
* Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of
the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and
Lebanon).
* Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten
more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
* Castro finally dies at age 152; Cuban cigars can now be legally
imported, but President Chelsea Clinton II has banned all smoking.
* George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 3058.
* Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $7.89 and reduces
mail delivery to Wednesday only.
* 35 year study now says diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
* Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
* Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil
rights.
* Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on continued use of mutants.
* Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
* Microsoft announces it has begun hiring aliens for customer service
representatives because "they know the language".
* New federal law requires that all nail clippers, corkscrews, fly
swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 3060.
* Congress removes $5 million cap on campaign contributions made by
direct deposit.
* Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with
congressman.
* IRS sets lowest tax rate at 79%. Highest rate goes to 125%.
* Martha Stewart, oldest surviving corporate executive in Federal
prison, recruiting fellow inmates for cake decorating and designer
decorating cell classes.
Date: Mon, 3 Mar 3003 10:23:45 and beyond
* Firestorms and lightning created by electric cars now killing
millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.
* White minorities are still trying to have English recognized as
California's third language.
* Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern US crops and livestock.
* Baby conceived naturally....scientists stumped.
* Authentic year 3000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.
* Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of
the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and
Lebanon).
* Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten
more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
* Castro finally dies at age 152; Cuban cigars can now be legally
imported, but President Chelsea Clinton II has banned all smoking.
* George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 3058.
* Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $7.89 and reduces
mail delivery to Wednesday only.
* 35 year study now says diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
* Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
* Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil
rights.
* Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on continued use of mutants.
* Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
* Microsoft announces it has begun hiring aliens for customer service
representatives because "they know the language".
* New federal law requires that all nail clippers, corkscrews, fly
swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 3060.
* Congress removes $5 million cap on campaign contributions made by
direct deposit.
* Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with
congressman.
* IRS sets lowest tax rate at 79%. Highest rate goes to 125%.
* Martha Stewart, oldest surviving corporate executive in Federal
prison, recruiting fellow inmates for cake decorating and designer
decorating cell classes.
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no subject
Date: 2003-03-25 05:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-03-27 09:01 am (UTC)