Update

[lesliepear]

This morning I spent a lot of time trying to get hold of an oral surgeon to get Alan's visit covered by my medical insurance (because it came from an accident). Finally, I found out that he wanted to have Alan see a dentist first. So ended up taking Alan back to daycare for a few hours (they felt soo bad) and then to the local pediatric dentist at 5. We won't go back. He has no bedside manner and I don't like the answers we got... 85% chance of loosing the top teeth, wait 6 weeks for a recheck - keep him on soft food (no wagon wheel crunchies), keep his fingers out of his mouth (how...), feed him the bottle on the side (uh...how...this didn't work) - I think he was also going to say something about nursing...but he didn't. He said the bottom teeth won't grow back till 6 1/2 and the top till 8. And he said the speech would be fine? I would think he'd need something, even for cosmetic reasons (especially if he loses the top teeth!) I'm going to find another dentist very soon and get a second opinion.

It also looks like Alan lost 4 teeth, not 2 as I thought - the two bottom teeth came out and apparently the ones on either side of them (although they weren't through the gum yet...we saw 3 teeth (pieces?) in the envelope, and the doctor saw 4 extractions.

Right now, we will keep him at daycare. We still aren't 100% sure what happened, I will see if I can clairfy tommorow. I do think she had an older high chair which we may replace for safety. (we use a booster seat at home, lack of space). We will also check to see if she has insurance that can pay for Alan's expenses. Some people have suggested we remove him. The trouble is if we take him out, what we could get could be far worse - and because of our hours, a center wouldn't be a good option (they close about 1/2 hour earlier than we can get home sometimes.)

I still feel really bad inside. Alan is about 90% of normal now, I'm sure he'll be fine, except the eating restrictions by the weekend. I guess I'm upset about him being hurt, and it probably doesn't help that I've run out of Zoloft right now (I'm having trouble with the Rx refill, they have to call the doctor and I went to refill it after I took the last pill.) I hope the sadness inside goes away. I felt bad when he fell off the bed earlier this month (my fault), but he was basically ok (although he has a little red mark on the side of his nose still) I feel like I'm just not a good mommy..I love Alan so much. I just hope he's ok....

Comments

[allye.livejournal.com]

Ok, I have to say this: Give yourself a BIG ol' pat on the back, and say to yourself LOUD ENOUGH so you can hear yourself "I am not a bad mommy, things happen!@" You couldn't have stopped this from happening, and one accident does not make you a bad mom! *hugs* You guys will make it through this! I know you can!!! :)

[ignu2k.livejournal.com]

((hugs))

you're a good mama. but life happens, and it's not always kind.

[goodjoan]

Definately get a new dentist, just because someone is pediatric doesn't mean they are good with kids. Ask your faily dentist (or hubby's) for a recomendation. Often, regular dentists or oral surgeons will work with little kids and usally better than a ped. My advice NEVER let him out of your sight. There is no need for him to get a bad impression of dentists because of this! My oldest needed 8 fillings when he was 4 and the ped dentist I took him to was a real creep. I ended up walking out when they wouldn't allow me in the room for the fillings. When I asked my friends for advice/support for making such a scene, I heard So MANY horror stories about bad dentists that I will NEVER leave my kids alone with a dentist or hygenist I am not 110% in love with! A good, honest dentist (or dr for that matter) who has nothing to hide will be happy to let you watch. The ones that encourage kids to go alone so they can 'feel like a grown up' or because kids behave better with mom not around may have something to hide in the way they keep kids in control. I just can't stress it enough. The stories I was told would curl your hair!

FWIW, my 8yo bashed his fronth tooth when he was about 4 and it turned brown, then white again after about 2 months and was normal until he hit about 6 when it started to brown and died off. It fell out at a fairly typical age. My 6yo knocked his 2 front teeth in when he was 3 and they bled but were not broken. The dentist decided to wait and see how they healed. Almost exaclty a year later one of the teeth abcessed and the dentist gave him antibiotics and said if it continued to get infected it would have to be pulled and he would need a prostetic to hold the place for his adult tooth until a 'normal' age for that tooth to come out. Thankfully, the antibiotics cleared it up and it stayed in until just this summer! If My dentist thinks a 4yo would need something to hold that space open, I cannot image that a infant/toddler wouldn't need something, at least when his other teeth started coming in, since they'd have even longer to go crooked!

I hope he gets through this with as little discomfort as possible and I hope you and the sitter don't beat yourself up too bad. I know the what ifs and the if only's are big right now, but it's done, and as awful as it is, you have to go from here and do what's best for Alan.

[iterrible.livejournal.com]

You aren't a bad mom, it is in no way your fault that he fell out of the high chair. A bad mom wouldn't be so upset that their baby was hurt, and for what it's worth my daughter fell off my bed a couple weeks ago too.

[luscious-purple.livejournal.com]

I know nothing about ped dentists, except that I've been terrified of the dentist's drill all my life, so I must have had a really bad experience. But I'm 110% sure you are doing just fine as a Mom!!!

Hey, my Dad accidentally let me roll off the changing table when I was a baby ... and C-and-R's firstborn had cuts and stitches when she was a toddler ... now she's going on 13.... Young people can be pretty resilient!!!

[lunameow.livejournal.com]

I have a scar on my lower lip from where I was bit by a dog when I was little. (For it to be a permanent scar, you know it was a bad bite.) No one's ever told me the full story, but apparently I was crawling around without supervision (and, hey, why not? I was in our own house, should be safe) and tried to eat the dog's food. And I've never for even a moment thought it was because my mother was a bad mother, or because my sisters were bad babysitters. Don't worry too much about it. Things happen. And removing him from the daycare is pointless. Accidents can happen anywhere, even at home like you said. In fact, you're probably better off keeping him there, since they feel so bad; they'll likely be extra-careful with him.

[vulnavia9.livejournal.com]

Oh God, poor Alan! We had something like that happen at daycare too--I was so angry, but as in your case, it wasn't really their fault. Luckily, Robbie ended up not losing any teeth (the 2 top front ones were a little loose for a while).

I can't imagine how you must feel. But it has nothing to do with your skills as a mommy--even if you had been there, you probably wouldn't have been able to do much. I hope Alan has a fast recovery.

[violetdaisies.livejournal.com]

Poor Mama. I'm sorry you feel so sad inside.

You ARE a good mommy. I hope you believe that.

**Monica

you're a wonderful mom

[ex-goodlife509.livejournal.com]

please don't beat yourself up much longer over this. i was talking to my pediatrician, she was warning me that nico was going to start rolling over everywhere, and to be careful. I told her that the one time i do something stupid will be the time he decides to do a double backflip off some high place onto the concrete below...

she patted my hand and said we do the best we can, and babies are remarkably resilient creatures.

you are a great mom.

do get the daycare to pay for his teeth, i'm sure she's insured for this kind of thing. get the zoloft script refilled, cause i had horrid withdrawl symptoms from that stuff, and not having it can't be helping you!

xxoo

[redgrrl.livejournal.com]

Oh, Leslie -- you are a good mom! Accidents happen and you feel horrible about them, but they ARE just accidents. Take care of yourself and give that baby a big kiss from Auntie Wendy! :)

[amyzon.livejournal.com]

If it reassures you any...

My nephew inherited bad enamel from his mother. No matter how well they take care of their teeth, they have problems. When he was 2.5 he had to have his front teeth removed - top and bottom. He just got his top ones back in! (He's almost 8) He didn't had too much problems with speech and eating, but he was very self-aware when smiling. Now he beams when he smiles when before he'd give those closed-lipped types.

But he had back teeth to use, not sure what Alan has besides the front.

[bklyngirl.livejournal.com]

I know it's hard not to blame yourself - I'm guilty of that myself all the time - but please try not to beat yourself up - you are a GREAT mom! Just by reading your posts and seeing how badly you feel about the accident, anyone can see what a good mom you are. Accidents happen - we do the best we can, that's all we can do.

{{HUGS}}

[scenicbeauty.livejournal.com]

You aren't a bad mom. We all have our moments (I know I've had more than my share of them) and accidents happen. It's part of life, an unfortuante part of life, but... I let Josh fall off the couch at just 3 months old. He toppled while I wasn't watching and banged his head on my sewing box and the floor. Talk about feeling bad!! We've all been there, we'll all be there again more than likely. It doesn't mean any of us are bad mothers. So, stop thinking that!!! :)

And not that you need my advice, but if I were you, I'd definitely see a new dentist. Keeping Alan off solid foods for a while (until his gums heal up) seems reasonable, but he's started learning to chew and has gotten used to solids - he can probably have them again just as soon as they won't irritate a wound. And instead of the bottle, maybe try helping him drink from a regular cup or find something that won't rub against his gum and hurt him. If he'll nurse, nurse him, it'll help you both. But if that hurts him, maybe a cup is the answer. And he definitely needs something to hold the place of the teeth he lost. Losing teeth too early can cause his other baby teeth to spread out and take up the space. Then they might not fall out before his new teeth start coming in, but there won't be adequate space for those new teeth and it could cause major dental problems and a need for braces, etc. later in life. Besides, even for cosmetic options - what kid should have to go through the first 6 or 8 years of his life with no front teeth??

And as far as the daycare goes (I read your post from later this morning already)... You shouldn't have to replace her high chair. You shouldn't have to cover these medical expenses. She, as much as you love her and she loves Alan, was at fault for this. I have worked at 3 daycares with ages 6 weeks to 3 years and I've nannied for 2 families before having my own baby. You don't leave a baby in a high chair. You don't turn you back on them. You do strap them in - the tray isn't meant to hold up against their weight, it's not a security device. You do sit with them the whole time they're in the chair. If the phone rings or you absolutely have to go do something, you pick that baby up and take him with your or let it go until he's done eating. This was an accident, but it was totally preventable. There's no reason you should have to spend a lot of extra money paying for all these expenses yourself. And you shouldn't be required to buy her daycare a new high chair because she's not using the one she has properly. There's nothing wrong with old high chairs. And the same thing could have happened with a brand new one (there's warnings all over the place about this kind of thing with our high chair that we just bought Josh and it's new and top of the line).

Just my 2 cents. I'm a huge safety freak. I've read all the warnings, and when something says "never leave your baby unattended in this", I take it extremely seriously. I always have, with other's kids and with my own. And I probably always will. Even with the most careful people, accidents happen - they've happened to me and I'm the biggest freak about these things that I've ever seen. But this wasn't an accident that happened on your watch. So, you're not a bad mom, you're a great mom. But you also shouldn't have to shoulder the burden for this when it could have been prevented.

[lesliepear.livejournal.com]

We are still deciding what to do. Right now we want Alan to get care and have made an appointment with another dentist for a second opinion. I still think there could be faults with the chair itself - what if a baby wiggles as you fasten the strap and falls? Also the chair is older and may not have warning labels as it should.

Even if we change providers, we can't find one overnight. And the center in town closes a 1/2 hour before we get home somenights, we want to keep in a home based one.

[scenicbeauty.livejournal.com]

I don't think you should necessarily change providers, and, accidents do happen. One of the kids I worked with in daycare got a pretty nasty bump on the head because I was carrying him on my shoulders and he saw his mom and got all excited, raising up off of my shoulders just as I went through a doorway. I felt awful. And my own kid has fallen off furniture, bumped his head, been scratched by dogs... So, it happens.

I'm just strongly opinionated, and I guess I feel the need to speak out sometimes... it's really none of my business, but I hate it when something happens that could have easily been prevented. Yeah, kids can fall out of chairs from wiggling and such, but if you're right there and really watching them, chances of a serious injury are a lot less. And chairs do get worn out and need to be replaced, so replacing the chair isn't that bad of an idea, I just hate to think of you having to spend your money to do it... If I were in your shoes, that would be a financial burden I didn't need is all, and I would expect the daycare to take care of things like that - even a home based one, if they accept my kid, they also accept responsibility for caring for him and for helping me out and doing the right thing if he's injured on their watch.

Good luck with the second dentist and with sorting everything else out. I can't imagine how much of a wreck I would be if I had all the extra stress of something like this. You're holding up much better than I think I would. :)

[yeoww.livejournal.com]

You're NOT a bad mom. Don't beat yourself up over this.
When Aaron was old enough to crawl, I had a vaporizer going in his room for a particularly bad cold that he had. I was very tired and forgot that I had the vaporizer on in his room. So I left the room for just a moment, he crawled over to the vaporizer and stuck his little hand in the steam. He got a third-degree burn on his index and middle fingers. When he cried out I rushed back in and saw his fingers and then guess what I did? They looked so bad that I fainted. I felt like both a terrible mommy and a big wuss to boot. But he recovered and now there's barely a scar. But at the time it felt much more serious.

So again - don't beat yourself up. As someone else said here, life happens. If you weren't a good mom, you wouldn't be agonizing over this.